Breath Of The Poof
by MCEProd22
Summary: In An Alternate Take after the events of The End Of Serialzation As we Know It. Eric Cartman wakes after 100 years in suspended animation. Like the game on the Nintendo Switch he once again missed out on he travels Park County as a century of Troll Trace took its hold on the landscape in order to find his beloved babe Heidi.
1. In The Time Before

A/N: Hello, now i journey to the world of Trey and Matt with my take on South Park, Here mixed in with the plot of the new Zelda game that knowing the creators, will weave into the new season at some point. Enjoy The Intro.

* * *

 _ **November 2016.** _After Herbert Garrison became president of the United States the Danish program known as _Troll Trace_ came online, although only 2 locations in Colorado were ever affected before the great web reset. Fort Collins a town that had its society collapse and recover. As Well as **South Park** , home of the great hero of internet trolls _**SkankHunt42**_. The malevolence of the program however proved sentient as a malice took hold in the town transforming the landscape and altering lives in a great calamity.

Now 100 Years Later in a Martian Hub, a 10 Year old overweight boy has been trapped in suspended animation since the launch of SpaceX rocket. He now awaits his fate and journey back to a world that has rapidly changed.

 **SOUTH PARK PRESENTS:**

 **BREATH OF THE POOF**

* * *

 _ **A/N: The Story Begins in Before with PROLOGUE: TROLLTRACE. As Always Subscribe.**_


	2. PROLOGUE: TROLLTRACE

_**A/N: We set things Up here with a prologue taking place concurrently with Episode 9 of Season 20. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **PROLOGUE: TROLLTRACE**_

"I've done it…"

"Bae…" My words to Heidi nearly fell on deaf ears as she stared down the board full of her math. Sure I wanted to leave Earth and be with her, have her all to myself where Butters or his army can't get to her and make her see my own history. But this seemed like that one time Kenny had a girlfriend this all seemed to be moving way too quickly.

"Eric, I may have done it…Tell Mr. Musk that I have gotten his space x rocket operational…We may have a chance to escape earth."

I went to get Musk all the while Butters words of She'll Betray you echoed in my head. Of course when I found him he ended up looking at the tv which was broadcasting what we all feared was coming.

 _ **"BREAKING NEWS…The Danish Program TROLLTRACE has gone online and already one town In Colorado is feeling its effects…. Yes like its neighbor to the southeast the town of South Park has descended into complete chaos as the internet history of everyone is revealed. Not all of it as expected is pretty. We go now live to the unfolding cataclysm with our…."**_

"This is really fucked up…." Musk's words echoed almost as I reached him staring slackjawed.

"Sir, Heidi says she may have gotten the rocket operational…"

Musk raced back while even my eyes glimpsed the chaos back home. Fleeting glimpses of Butters movement against the girls, the guys frantically running abaout the streets, even worse Kyle seemed to be nowhere in sight.

"This is really bad…"

Heidi suddenly raced to my side looking as out of breath as she could be.

"Eric…we have a problem…."

"Yeah…Bae I can see that…"

"No this is even worse than that…Mr. Musk calculated that whatever is going on now in South Park is going to spread, potentially crippling the planet like an emp."

"EM…"

Butters suddenly came up behind me as well to eerily stare at us, almost in a trance.

"Electromagnetic Pulse…It can wipe out anything computer or electronic related instantly."

"Well what the hell does that have to do with us…"

Heidi hugged me hard as she led us to the rocket which somehow within the time we had been there, had been fueled up, supplied, positioned and seems ready for launch.

"Okay, now this is really moving way too fast." My words seemed to fall on deaf ears as Musk then popped over to the computer sending some data out.

"The Hub is halfway now and will arrive 7 months ahead of schedule…"

"Hub…" My flashback to the dream was immidate. Hedi showed me a suit and without warning quickly began to undress my clothes.

"Eric, were going to be putting you in cryostatsis and sending you to Mars…"

"What the Fu…."

"Eric it's the only way we can save you from the cataclysm…."

Heidi's voice began to fade as I could feel myself echo repeatedly inside a jelly like goo.

"Heidi...Babe…"

Her voice faded as my view filled up with nothing but a green screen. This feels wrong and yet somehow all this is should have seen coming.

* * *

 _ **A/N: What has Cartman been sent off to do, we open next with Chapter 1: Sol 34,493 . As Always Subscribe for more.**_


	3. 1: SOL 34,493

_**A/N: Now We see Cartman coming to in a very familiar movie environment. Link-esque in his resurrection. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **1: SOL 34,493**_

 _"In cryo, you don't dream at all…"_ -

Jake Sully _**JAMES CAMERON'S AVATAR**_

* * *

Light was the first thing that finally came back to my eyes, I could suddenly feel myself begin to slowly move.

"You've got to be…" But sure enough as light continued to fill my space eyes suddenly got a glimpse of the glass tube I was suddenly now in. My situation in this case became apparent.

"Bae, as much as I like you this has to be one really long joke." But suddenly I could hear a countdown slowly begin to kick in.

 **HYPERCRYO Revival commencing**

Without warning the glass began to lower and I could feel myself falling forward and smacking the ground in fish like manner.

"Oh Really!"

My body as much as I wanted to get up twitched as I crawled along the unfamiliar metallic and plastic foam terrain.

"Heidi, when I find you I'll…"

 **VOCAL IDENTIFICATION CONFIRMED HELLO ERIC CARTMAN**

"Who the hell are you…"

 **Space X Tesla Hub V. 5.0…But you may refer to myself, the main operations system as Karen**

"Tesla…" As I slightly lifted my head I now noticed the layout of this very familiar looking Hub. One extra-large operations console and a bunch of smaller stations including a bed, entertainment tv and a kitchen contacting a bunch of space food including 2 random items. Potatoes and Cheesy Poofs.

"Karen where am I…"

 **AUTOMATIC QUESTION TRIGGER**

Without Warning the main console turned on and began to play a video screen. Musk now appeared on video standing behind Heidi's video board

 _ **"This is Elon Musk recording on November 18, 2016. This Message is for Eric Cartman and has been programmed to play within 10 Minutes of him waking up from Cryo Sleep. Eric I do apologize for the circumstances you now found yourself in, but with the chaos of Troll Trace beginning to spread Heidi and I made the executive decision to send you into space. If our calculations are correct you will have woken up on Martian Sol 34,493.**_

"That Bitch…"

 _ **"Mars yes, is cliché, but with Matt Damon's potato recipe having been stocked and preserved will in advance along with an assortment of your personal favorite foods given by Heidi Turner in advance you should be able to manage the 31 Sols until the return ship will be set to take you back to earth."**_

Having enough I wanted him to shut up for a minute and decided to test my ai system. "Karen Pause Video…"

As The video paused my mind went over the possibilities. I'm alone on mars, and even though Mom, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Butters have no idea im even here. This could be beneficial.

"Karen what day is it."

 **ERIC COMPUTER Listed Day of Sol 34,493 calculates out as Monday October 12, 2116**

"2116!"

 **YES YOU HAVE BEEN IN CRYOSTASIS FOR 100 YEARS**

"What the…."

Not since Kyles mom went insane on Christmas was I ever this furious and I let that computer have it. In what seemed like a nearly 5 hour rant. So much so that I never even noticed the rest of me slowly coming back to life, when Karen finally brought me back out of it.

 **ERIC…**

"Now What…"

 **YOUR MESSAGE FROM MR. Musk REMAINS ON PAUSE BUT YOU DO HAVE ANOTHER ONE FROM HEIDI TURNER**

One simple request to play and now I see Heidi's face, just as beautiful even a century later.

 _ **"Hi babe, listen I know you are pretty pissed at me, and I wish I was there with you. But with South Park collapsing I wanted to keep you out of harm's way while I plan to go back home to try to stop it."**_

Now my face went from anger to purse shock.

 _ **"If you get this know that the return shuttle will launch by remote within 30 days of your awakening. I don't know what kind of world you'll be coming back to, but I plan to stop this calamity no matter what."**_

Heidi's face cut out and that just left me in mere shock.

"What did I do to deserve a girl like her…"

My face looked on at the hub and somehow the words of The Martian movie now seemed to echo hard into my mind. I'm not a fan of work, but somehow, they knew that and made this hub as easy as possible to manage. All I knew now was it was imperative that I get home.

"Karen, are you ready to help me science the shit out of this place…"

 _ **LET"S GET TO WORK ERIC**_

* * *

 _ **A/N: Cartman makes his climb out of the proverbial cave and returns home with Chapter 2: SOL 34,520. As Always Subscribe for More.**_


	4. 2: Sol 34,520

_**A/N: Cartmans remaining hours on Mars start here. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **2: Sol 35,520**_

 _ **RETURN SHIP LAUNCHES IN 19 HOURS**_

 _ **VIDEO CAMERA ACTIVATED.**_

"This is Eric Cartman recording Day 29 or in Actuality SOL 35,520, my exile here is nearing an end as the last few days has seen a flurry of activity getting the return ship set to launch. Matt Damon had it so much easier, at least he didn't burn off the bulk of his weight eating Martian potatoes grown in his own shit. I've gotten more mobile due to the diet and have been able to comb over the bulk of the logs sent by Musk and a few by Heidi herself before all communication from South Park stooped on March 7, 2017. From what they divulge South Park no longer exists and the internet has had a great reset. I don't know what I'm going to find the second I land back on Earth but, as much as I would love to remain on mars 1210 months seems like enough."

Mom's picture now came into my head as I turned the camera off while looking out the hub window at the ship. I Know she'll not have survived no matter what went down with Troll Trace. The guys too, especially Kenny. I wondered whatever happened to them. All that notion gave me something to ponder as I went back into my prescheduled routines.

* * *

 **17 Hours Later.**

"Karen how long until we are set for launch?"

 _ **FINAL CHECKS ARE BEING COMPLETED NOW**_

One last look at the hub as I traced out my handprint on the bubble lined wall each one marked with a major goal I got done during this month. On this final day I had the perfect words in mind.

"Screw you MARS I'm GOING HOME"

One picture saved to the laptop later and I get a beep notification from Karen.

 _ **ALL SYSTEMS ARE OPERATIONAL COUNTDOWN STANDS AT 110 MINUTES TO LAUNCH**_

"Thank you, Karen, Well If I have to say my final words to you now it will have to be these…"

 _ **ERIC THE PLEASURE HAS BEEN MINE YOU MAY NOW PROCEED TO SUIT UP**_

After one last meal I began shutdown procedures for the Hub AI system with the exception of a small tablet that Karen kept referring to as a sheikah slate. Whatever that is, now my face on the other hand, for 111 I don't look that bad having been on Mars that long. Locking my suit into place my final journey home was now set to begin.

"Goodbye Mars…"

In the depressurization chamber my mind pictured what happened to Matt Damon hoping to hell that doesn't occur again.

"Short walk to the shuttle no worriers…."

Yet my mind was now on home…. Karen mentioned that it would be another 18 months back, so I'll be even older. Each climb up the shuttle latter made me think about the care Heidi and Musk put into this. Now the main hatch had the console that was even more automated then Karen so all I had to do was sit back and relax.

"Road Trip!"

20 Seconds Later and the thrust of the rockets ascended me out of the atmosphere. A couple quick pics of the planet via the slate and I pointed the camera back my way to do a final summary.

"Eric Cartman with a final report from the Martian upper atmosphere. Have trusted my safety with a robotic autopilot that should get me the rest of the way home. Small capsule with barley a space to play some movies and shows from the past century. Earth especially South Park, will be a mystery for me as I make my return somehow, I feel like an alien coming back to earth or more accurately landing on another planet altogether. My 18 Month journey home is about to get underway, the cosmos await for me so I'll cut this short…"

The twin moons of the red planet began to dim as my view showed nothing before me but open space.

"This Is Eric Cartman signing off from the…you know I never did get a name for my shuttle…How about the USS Turner…"

Off went the slate and out of my way went my problems.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Cartman arrives in a brand new world for him at least in Chapter 3: Touchdown. As Always Subscribe for more.**_


	5. 3: Touchdown

_**A/N: Back to Cartman as he now makes his approach. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **3: Touchdown**_

 _ **8 Months Later**_

 **INITIATING** **LANDING**

The computer audio gave me my notification as to what time it was. As My eyes now burned getting the glimpse of earth from the small window in the cockpit. I see how much tech has evolved in a century.

"No WALL-E Junk but man that's a lot of space junk."

Satellites and a couple of space stations pass in my view but as far as I could tell It looks nearly identical to 2016 Earth. Nearly 3 more hours pass by as my view was mixed with the fires of reentry along with the growing landmass of North America. Until at long last the parachute deploys, and I could now see what look liked a vast wilderness.

"Oh, boy…"

From what the view showed most of the rest of the continent still attained modern improvements and while there were still vast amounts of protected land Colorado looked nearly untouched by a century of progress. The ground came closer and now I could start to see it. A bright red light far of in the distance along with some of the most unnatural cloud formations I could ever see.

"Looks really similar to…" Then it dawned on me what I had now realized. My love of game systems was great, and while I thought the XBOX One that I picked up during one wicked session of Game of Thrones cosplay was great. There was something about that Nintendo Switch that seemed really appealing. Mom thankfully had one reserved for me mentioning something about the preferred customer package at the Denver Gamestop I was most frequently in.

"I missed the Switch and Zelda?"

As my disbelief grew the ground now came close as the module finally touched down with the thud you'd expect to hear when skateboarding over a homeless guy like we had once did when the town was overrun with them. The door popped open and as I grabbed the slate and headed out, it now hit me exactly what I was now in.

"So this is the 22nd century?"

I was about a half mile ahead of what looked like a fence that stretched off into the distance. Garrison's wall must have been a lot further south then we figured. The landscape had its familiarity, but it looked like time had taken its toll. Grass had taken over parts of the highway. My nimble feet began to walk along the path. Earth had not changed one bit, before I knew it though I started running, faster than I ever had before in my life. As a wooded terrain rose up to a small cliff outlet I came up top and now I can see it.

"OMG…"

The land itself had now shifted and gained in both mass and size. What had once been a quiet mountain town now seemed to contain its own ecosystems. A desert to the west, a small village to the south, East had a wetland terrain and north was a vast snowcap.

Now my attention was fixed to an old man in the distance. He was rending to a fire and that did allow me to seek a path down through the brush and foliage that once dotted only the woods. As the old man now noticed me coming my slate beeped giving me a notification.

"Hey you…"

I pointed at myself to not startle him.

"Yes you…Come sit…"

I did just that as he offered me some bread. Finally real food, I gladly munched it down while he stared at my figure.

"Tell me, are you from around here?"

As I attempted to talk I suddenly noticed I had no sound coming out of my mouth. What the fuck….

"Oh, sorry, that's the effect that the calamity has on all non-natives."

Now I was curious. What calamity I tried to mouth, and he did get my wording, thank god he knew how to read lips.

"It happened about a century ago, this vast land used to be the town of South Park, After Troll Trace came online the program happened to gain sentience. It morphed into a foul creature that began to change and alter the landscape at its will. Five kids tried to stop it and when they failed most of the town left. Those kids who remained got as far away from the town center as possible."

Now after that info drop I shed a tear, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters…

"Did you just mouth Heidi?" The old man could tell what I said and that made him shed a tear as well.

"Heidi Turner, battles the creature even as we speak…You see that black streak going up in the sky…"

Dead center of the landscape I did notice I black and red glow surrounding what once looked like the school.

"Troll trace has taken refuge in the old school, Heidi by a miracle has kept it contained for the past century but the Trolls effects still ravage the landscape in the mutant creatures that roam the land. Underpants Gnomes, crab people, joozians, among the leads."

Joozians?

"My oh my, I do seem to have taken up your time. My suggestion is to head south of here to the Cream village, there is a fortune teller who can point your direction."

As the guy got up my look was a bit rough as it was for a spacesuit. He pointed out a closet from an old house that was still standing.

"I do believe you'll find some more appropriate wear inside. Bye for now Eric Cartman."

Before I could turn and try to yell he was gone. So to recap, its 2117, I cant talk, South Park is now a continent contained within 45 square miles, and Heidi is somewhere in the middle of this madness. The slate once again beeped, and I took it out now seeing 10 pictures of various locations in and around this land.

"Let's get started." I yelled out but could only feel the air escaping my throat. I shouldered my bag hooked up my slate and began to prepare myself for the journey into the land of the shadow.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Cartmans journey begins in his own town of beginnings in Chapter 4: Reflections. As Always Subscribe for more.**_


	6. 4: Reflections

_**A/N: Cartman blends into the ZELDA PARK SCENE and we get our first glimpse as to his road ahead. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **4: Reflections**_

From what I remembered of the Zelda demo, this was how I started things, out, a new land with stuff I must scavenge to find. The beauty of South Park somehow being overtaken by nature over this past century was something to both behold and cringe.

"This is nuts…" The cream village looked the size of what the bulk of downtown was small activates going on with normal daily life happening, although on a much primitive scale.

"There's got to be food around here…" Vendors looked like they were selling food but it wasn't the cheesy poofy goodness that I know and come to expect. Fruits herbs and spices are abounded. I now found myself walking into the village itself which gave me my first look at its inhabitants. Elves of some type, the pointy ears were a giveaway.

"Hi sir…" One older woman tending a shop now got my attention. The building in question had her selling clothes for all sizes, including thankfully mine.

"Is there something I can interest you in. We have clothes for all sorts of terrain, boots, hats, we can even buy what you have for Herberts in exchange."

"Are those…"

"Yes they are the currency of the area."

I shook suddenly realizing that I could now hear her voice in my mind. Amazing what can develop in a century of me being off the planet.

"You may not be able to speak, sir but I can tell you are weary. Let's see if we can give you a better outfit for your road ahead."

She led me inside to her store and quickly went to work doing size measurements and calculations. My default outfit which had been mixed with the hub gear was quickly stripped away and a more earth wile gear was put into its place. The process took nearly a full 7 ½ minutes and when she was done she pulled away and spun in a circle proud of herself.

"By the divine grace of Turner you do look perfect."

A mirror now showed my body. No longer had I been the big boned kid in the red jacket. A blue tunic with bright green boots now was my look. My hair was now flowing out in earnest, and the lone sign of my former self was the hat I usually wear, that was now tied to my back.

"Your hat I've converted into a bop bag. In it you'll find some gear I've hand picked to get you started. Plenty of food, tents, hunting supplies and elemental gear for your road ahead."

I looked at the woman mildly impressed. As I began to open my mouth I could once again hear her voice in my head.

"Your voice will return once Turner slays the troll. Don't worry about paying me, there was something foretold to me 20 years ago saying I had a part to play in getting a hero started in a majestic quest."

I was looking now at a map that was popped into my left arm. Portable and primitive at the same time. An arrow blinked repeatedly showing my path.

"Our fortune teller lies at the edge of the village. She'll give you insight of what lies ahead. Turnspeed Eric Cartman and good luck."

I nodded in gratitude at the woman who bared a slight resemblance that I could now see to my mom. I sighed in regret knowing that I may never see her again, but I could still find Heidi and live on in this new world.

The houses of the village all had their mix of elvish children playing and being normal. Even back a century ago the streets would have never been this crowded, in some corners I could still see primitive tech of my previous life. A few iPhones embedded in the buildings, a PS4 now holding candles and wax figurines. The vase in that shop I was just at was a football helmet that had been filled with dirt and sprouted a sunflower.

"Wow…"

This world was completely changed. As I now saw the edge of the village one lone house remained. It looked eerily familiar though, too familiar in some cases when it began to dawn on me.

"No way…"

Yep I could now tell, that was Butters House, somehow preserved and stood out amongst the Zelda style buildings. The door somehow was easily opened, and I got a glimpse of the very familiar couch inside. A woman sat on it entranced by the TV that was inexplicably blaring despite the no lights around the area vibe.

"Excuse me…" Me screaming I know by this point was fruitless but somehow the woman turned, and I could now tell one simple thing.

"Wow, Butters makes a convincing woman."

Unlike Majorine, she was the female version of Butters Stotch, now I could see she was eying me down waiting to speak as involving my presence.

"Cartman, welcome to the Cream Village. I've been awaiting your arrival."

My mouth got out the words and she quickly responded.

"Leopolla Stotch III. But you may refer to me as Majorine Jr. I am the Great-Great Granddaughter of the friend of yours you call Butters."

She walked over to my face and closed the mouth that I had dropped open wide.

"We have to talk, and I believe you can't while still having some questions for me."

Once again this is really messed up.

* * *

 _ **A/N: What will the last of the Stotches reveal to the plump link? Stay tuned for Chapter 5: Metamorphosis As Always Subscribe for more.**_


	7. 5: Metamorphosis

_**A/N: Aptly named for its sources. Pure that. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **5: Metamorphosis**_

"Come sit…"

The woman had a futon nearby and although it looked like one did in my time it seemed off.

"Your questions will only be answered once you take a seat now if you could."

No objections this time as I set my gear down on the floor next to the futon and climbed myself up onto it. I turned and faced Majorine. She took a breath in and out to mentally prepare what I assumed was now going to be an exposition dump. Hopefully like the regular kind shell be feeling better after that.

"As you know, in November of 2016. Your former teacher Herbert Garrison was elected president of the United States. Troll Trace a program that was only tested in the neighboring town of Fort Collins affecting the city greatly. SkankHunt42 the leader of the troll group was responsible partly for getting troll trace unleashed."

My head sighed…I lost my life thanks to that person.

"The identity of that person was actually closer than you realized. Gerald Brofloski was the one in question."

Boy I wished I could talk because now I was livid.

"Successful in finding a member of the troll party. The Danes unleashed the program 2 weeks after the election and began to find it doing its job too well. Whatever it was designed to expose, the program embraced, darkness, malice, and the selfish desire of those who would rather do the world harm then good. It gained sentience, then form and although the actions of SkankHunt and Dildo caused the rest of the world not to suffer the effects of something that had grown far beyond its parameters. South Park for all purposes ended."

I Mouthed out the words "Is my Mom?"

"Lianne Cartman thankfully escaped and lived on to the ripe age of 68. Although she mourned for thinking you had perished in the initial fire and fury."

My mind was now on Mom up in heaven probably smiling looking down on me glad that I made it home. Although 101 years later.

"South Park was set ablaze when the troll took control thousands died in the fire and chaos. Those who survived did flee the area and successfully migrated to the refugee city in Northern Fort Collins. The president seeing the chaos made the decision to seal the area from the world in a 15 square mile fence line. There were however 5 kids that remained to battle the troll to try to stave off and save the world should it ever escape. They battled the creature and in the process of the battle South Park warped into the mini continent you now see before you. The creature could not be destroyed easily, and the Troll remained trapped in the school, sealed by a barrier.

My head turned out the window to see the dark red beam of light far in the distance.

"Once the creature was contained the 4 boys established new lands within the continent itself. Stan with the Horses, Kenny with the Gnomes, My Grandfather Butters here with the elves."

My face mumbled again

"The one you've connected with the most Kyle, took to the water and founded the domain of the Crab People."

Suddenly I heard it the music that usually plays whenever someone says those words together.

"CRAB PEOPLE CRAB PEOPLE…"

"Sorry about that, comes with the territory. Now I'm sure you're curious to know about the 5th person."

My face widened out for a glimpse of hopefulness and she knew instantly who I was refereeing to.

"Heidi Turner has been locked in a death grip in the old elementary school. Even right now she holds back the troll trying to keep it from unleashing its full ferocity. But a century still took hold and its power still seeps into the landscape via pools and pods of its manifest."

Majorine got up and went over to an old photo of her parents she had displayed in a digital frame.

"The magic of turner is what of course keeps semblance to what life was like a century ago. While not all tech works, the Slate you have will. It is imperative however that 4 objects must be recovered for you to aid Heidi."

I held 4 fingers up in the air questioning and she nodded.

"You know them as… **The Stick of Truth** , from your Game of Thrones Sessions around Thanksgiving of 2013. **The Diamond of Panthios** , the gem that fueled Mecha-Streisand. **Mr. Hats tophat** the former puppet of President Garrison and the **Fractured But Whole** , a gem that is in obvious shape and meaning. The wearer of the items will give any protection from Trolls both real and manmade."

She got up and pointed out the glowing point now active on the slate.

"These 4 points are where you need to go, the 4 corners of this continent. Once there you need them in order to move forward, each will make you stronger, all will make you a force, something any troll will run from."

I looked at her thinking of Butters and all he and the guys went through. The lives they must have lived without me, and how dangerous our world became in a century.

"Eric, its up to you now. Your journey awaits. Save our world, save our formerly quiet little mountain town."

I nodded at her in gratitude and exited the establishment.

"Oh, put on Stranger Things when you close the door, never knew how to activate that damn thing."

She may have been grateful but now she was being just like Kyle's late mom. Man I want to sing that sooo bad. The door close was done in a very quick manner.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Cartman's Journey begins as he rows across one of the towns former hotpoints now evolved like the rest of the world in Chapter 6. Starks Lake As Always Subscribe for more.**_


	8. 6: Starks Lake

_**A/N:After a long hiatus this resumes with Cartman going full Link with one unexpected encounter. Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **6\. Starks Lake**_

The first major point of interest I see as I begin my way northeast is what used to be known as Starks Pond.

"Man that's a big lake."

The biggest body of water I've ever seen was the one visit I had to Boulder, the lake nearby there was something to behold. But this looks like the dog that would drink that lake if it was thirsty.

Boats were hard to come by as what seemed like old tech strewn about the ground. Until I came upon a small raft that was barley held onto a dock.

"Ok where is that sail."

The lone item nearby was a small bush full of palm fronds. The biggest one I picked and grabbed. It's a crying shame that there are no real boats, and the sail on this looks like it had seen better days. As I grabbed onto the rope and let it loose my weight loss had finally become apparent as I barley made a dent in the raft as I hopped on. But with no wind in sight I failed about in despair until one swing of the palm frond gave me the sudden gust I was waiting for.

"Whoa…"

Now I could start to feel the motion. 5 more thrusts and speed built up, a nearby air current finally caught the sail and that allowed me to relax for a bit. Under normal circumstances id usually find some way to put my issues onto others. But I'm completely alone. On this day I could see a few standard wildlife, but some new ones as well as the fish that leap from the water now seem to have lizard tongues on them.

"This isn't like Chernobyl is it?"

But as I grabbed the water and cupped it to drink, something odd I now noticed, this tasted near like bottled water.

"This is purified…"

Its as if the entire lake has its own water purification plant. Luckily my bag had 4 canteens so I quickly gulped down a bunch of water before I stowed the rest for the road ahead. It took nearly an hour but I now found a dock and quickly tied up the raft. On the adjacent path now showed the valley ahead. To the north was my first intended destination. Stan with the horses.

"You figured Stan would have liked veal instead."

It was an hour later on this path that I suddenly noticed a gallop of a horse.

"Woah…"

Yeah that thing had something on top of it that wasn't clear at first, but the moment I saw the arrow flying I realized what it was.

"Joozians…"

The green goblin esque creature road the brown steed shrieking at the top of its lungs. I lunged behind a rock and ducked as it swung around.

"OK, the Zelda demo is starting to look like child's play compared to this." Arrows strood about the rock as it kept circling waiting for me to leap away. But behind the Joozian something else popped into frame.

"YEAH!"

Oh boy, the young woman was on her own orange horse as she speared the joozian sending pink blood spraying my direction. That caused me to leap to get away but her speed was paramount as she leapt and backflipped next to my position.

"HALT!"

Her spear still covered with the pink blood and green skin hung dangling at my knees as she removed her backbrace revealing the forms of a photoshop body of Stan and Wendy.

"You're new…Something tells me you've been long for the area. Tell me do you know the name Randy Marsh…"

Why would she bring up Stans Dad? My head shook nervously at the mark.

"The Great Great Great grandsire of our Poofballest often spoke of the one who smelled of cheesy poofs. I do believe you have that stench…Which is why…"

As much as breaking free seemed needed I just allowed her to quickly restrain me and mount me behind her on the horse. The girl smiled hesitantly as she clutched the spear while turning back to see how I was doing.

"Hold tight we have a ride ahead.

We galloped off and I know that even Link wouldn't have had this rough a welcome. Especially considering 101 years earlier I had that demo down pat.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Cartman's journey picks up as they arrive in a Horse Lord utopia in Chapter 7: Poofballteno. As Always subscribe for more.**_


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